Season 2016: Week 5

The first quarter concludes this week and the fun factory is chugging right along. Brace yourselves for a whirlwind of strong emotions as the season blossoms into maturity like the Olsen twins may one day do.

  • Dveris – Allendorph: The truck stop brushes keep Dveris in strong contention for most brand loyal rink in the league, but Canadian cred alone isn’t enough to step to the Frogtown transplants who aspire to steamroll all contenders.
  • McLaughlin – Moll: Ignore the BMW sticking through the wall on Sheet 8, it’s just McLaughlin’s new good luck charm. They might want to rethink their novelties though as Moll is not easily derailed by Bavarian autos.
  • Jansen – Wainberg: Jansen will tank this one. They have no chance. Wainberg will bust up Jansen’s game like a high school kegger.
  • Boomer – Lickteig: Extra! Extra! Boomer vs. Lickteig goes to extra ends! Both teams will be running a clinic on how best to benefit the opposition, leading to unintended consequences for all. Tell the babysitter it’s going to be a late one.
  • Haga – McLellan: With a full endorsement deal in the works, McLellan is out to prove that they can spin the negative to a positive. Look for occasional gaffes followed by surprising triumphs. Haga is along for the ride, but don’t realize the corporate power they’re up against.
  • Hammes – McGovern: This will be all kinds of circus crazy. Fire eaters, dromedary rides, airbrushed tattoos, fake vampire fangs, you know, the works. No crème based liqueurs will be tolerated during the 4th end, so don’t even try. No nuts either (e-cigarettes will be allowed). Pim’s cup may be in order. There will also be a curling match as a sideshow. Bring the kids and a poncho.
  • Rohde – Anderson: All of the serious curling will happen here. The guards will be well placed, draw weight will be found, and the take-outs should be plumb and square. A small quiet celebration will be experienced by the winner.
  • Long – Lichty: The gallery continues to follow Long throughout the season, we respect what they’ve done for the advancement in awareness of the sport among recent college graduates and young professionals.  In honor of their achievements, Lichty will make their win as sympathetic as possible.  Always a class act.

Have a great week and a greater weekend.


Season 2016: Week 4

This week marks the end of the season’s first quintan, so you know what that means? Not much! Big matches this week so let’s get on with it.

  • Dubois – Wainberg: Wainberg is starting to mesh a little bit, but Dubois doesn’t care about mesh.
  • Haga – Jansen: This week is no different than the rest. Jansen is unpredictable.
  • Allendorph – Moll: Could be a close one but Moll hasn’t been super visible this season so far.
  • Dveris – McLellan: Sponsored by Canadian Mist.
  • McLaughlin – McGovern: Could this be the return of Curlbot?
  • Long – Lawrence: Just in time for the holidays, the prodigal sons are coming for dinner. I’m pretty sure the parents will clean up.
  • Hammes – Lickteig: We would all love to see this be the week Hammes breaks the curse.
  • Boomer – Anderson: Sometimes Boomer can be red hot.

See you at the EBS conference today.


Season 2016: Week 3

Good things come in threes, and here in week three we can expect many good things. The Full House Netflix reboot is moving right along, high waisted jeans are making a comeback, and butter is healthy again. These are truly incredible times.

  • Hammes – Anderson: Follow the smell of 99 Bananas over to sheet 8 for an entertaining clinic on how not to curl.
  • Rohde – Lawrence: The pregame pleasantries will be tainted by the Lawrence rink’s sticky piña colada handshakes. This will lead to better sweeping for all, but botched rock releases. Since Rohde is less accustomed to that state of being, Lawrence will hula away with a win.
  • Boomer – Lichty: Special guest Andrew W. K. will be on hand to give positive party vibes to both rinks. Boomer will let their metaphorical nape follicles absorb the energy and capitalize early, but the business sensibilities of Lichty will overpower in the last few ends to bring it home.
  • Allendorph – McGovern: Last year Allendorph drew power from their anonymity in the league, most of which was tied to their clever use of a pseudonym. This year the jig is up. McGovern is onto them and victory awaits.
  • Dveris – Jansen: This is the wildcard coin flip of the night. Getting a Jansen pick right is still one of the hardest things in curling but they were looking good in week one so they’re due for a slump. Dveris will capitalize and grind one out.
  • Haga – Wainberg: This will be a great bout. Both teams are still in calibration mode so opportunity abounds for either one to capitalize on a misstep of the other. This website told me that Haga will win.
  • Long – Dubois: Long will get sneaky this week and put together a strong assault but Dubois is not easily bested. Look for the old bait-and-switch around halftime to mark the inflection point of the match.
  • McLaughlin – Lickteig: Beard power.

Please enjoy this photo of Michael Gross.

What would we do baby?